i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
