Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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