This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize