Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
