I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
