He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize