eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
