I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
