Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
