omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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