just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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