theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
