Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
