So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
