I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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