I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
