the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
