Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
