Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
