Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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