I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
