Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
