Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
