Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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