clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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