Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
