my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
