I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
