when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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