and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
