Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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