I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
