I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize