i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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