So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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