You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
