I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
