Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
