Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
