I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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