it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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