I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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