I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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