Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
