I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
