I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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