I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
