I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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