It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
