She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
false alarm, still single
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize