Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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