Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
