is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
