you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
