Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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