i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
