Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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