I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
