doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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