NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
