We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
