Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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