I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
