so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize