I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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