This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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