Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
